Metalistická pohádka....

6. března 2008 v 12:54 | hard felis |  Hudba
Berte to trochu s rezervou...... :D
Zdroj: tadyy

Situace:
V hradu hlídaném drakem je uvězněna krásná princezna. Tady je příběh, jak to dopadne, když tam dorazí různí metalisti coby rytíři.

• power metal (dragonforce, blind guardian, rhapsody): metalista přijede na bílém jednorožci, unikne drakovi, zachrání princeznu a pak se s ní miluje v kouzelném lese.

• thrash metal (slayer, kreator, sodom): metalista přijede, bojuje s drakem, zachrání princeznu a ošuká ji.

• heavy metal (manowar, megadeth, judas priest): metalista přijede na harleyi, zabije draka, dá si pár piv a ošuká princeznu.

• folk metal (skyclad, empyrium, elvenking): metalista přijede s přáteli, kteří hrají na akordeony, violy, flétny a spoustu dalších podivných nástrojů. drak z všeho toho zpívání a tancování usne. pak všichni odjedou… bez princezny.

• viking metal (bathory, vintersorg, einherjer): metalista připluje na drakkaru, zabije draka svojí velkou sekyrou, stáhne ho z kůže a sní. znásilní princeznu k smrti, ukradne její věci a před odjezdem zapálí hrad.

• death metal (death,vader, six feet under, morbid angel): metalista přijede, zabije draka, ošuká princeznu, zabije ji a znovu ji ojede.

• black metal (dark funeral, mayhem, dimmu borgir, satyricon): metalista dorazí o půlnoci, zabije draka a nabodne ho na kůl před hradem. potom ošuká princeznu do zadku a vypije její krev během rituálu před tím, než ji zabije. pak ji nabodne na kůl vedle draka.

• gore metal (deicide, exhumed, cannibal corpse): metalista přijede, zabije draka, rozhází jeho vnitřnosti před hradem, ošuká princeznu a zabije ji. potom ji znova ošuká, rozpáře břicho a sní její vnitřnosti. potom to, co zbyde, ošuká ještě jednou, spálí mrtvolu a ještě jednou ošuká.

• doom metal (paradise lost, my dying bride, forest of shadows): metalista přijede a spatří jak je drak obrovský. pomyslí si, že ho nemůže nikdy přemoct, propadne depresím a spáchá sebevraždu. drak ho sní a princeznu si dá jako dezert. a to je konec smutného příběhu…

• progressive metal(dream theater, liquid tension, spiral architect): metalista přijede s kytarou a zahraje 26 minut dlouhé sólo. drak se z nudy zabije sám. metalista dorazí do princezniny ložnice a zahraje další sólo s použitím všech technik a melodií, které se naučil v posledním roce na konzervatoři. princezna uteče a vydá se hledat heavy metalistu.

• glam metal (cinderella, twisted sister, ratt): metalista přijede, drak se začne smát, když uvidí jeho zjev a nechá ho projít dovnitř. poté, co metalista vejde do hradu, ukradne princezně make up a začne natírat hrad nádhernou růžovou barvou.

• industrial metal: Postaví vedle hradu továrnu a všichni se udusí jejími zplodinami. Hrad se začne rozpadat a tím je nádherné dílo Glam metalisty nenávratně zničeno.

• nu metal (korn, limp bizkit, linkin park): metalista dorazí v hondě civic a pokusí se bojovat s drakem. jenže uhoří, když jeho debilní pytlovité oblečení chytne plamenem.

• agro metal (kabát, argema a všechny zábavový skupiny:-): metalista dorazí na fichtlovi, draka ožere, poblije, s princeznou si pořídí deset blbých dětí a pak jde pro vidle a vykydá hnůj v maštali.
 

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